you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
