wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There r osticjed everywhere
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
