oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
