Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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