I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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