oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
