It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my liver is dry heaving
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
