plz talk dirty to me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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