Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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