Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
