How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
