Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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