1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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