I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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