pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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