If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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