I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
