We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
