oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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