I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
