No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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