I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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