it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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