I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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