got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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