Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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