Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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