p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
