Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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