She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
