I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
