you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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