My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i think my cat just said my name.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
