I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina