so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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