A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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