Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
