My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
