i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I die, sorry about rent.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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