I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
