I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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