No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
