I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
