I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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