Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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