Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
