she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
