I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
