your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
