I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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