I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
