Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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