Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
