A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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