I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
