Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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