Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
