PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How's work?
Spinning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
