1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Panties = found
Randomize
