I got chris browned last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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