You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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